“I’m in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there’s no where to run.”
So, I’ve been going trough my box of all the CD’s I’ve collected over time, and I came across John Mayers’ album, ‘Battle Studies.’ I put the CD in my music player about a week ago and it’s still stuck there, especially the song ‘War Of My Life’ has been on repeat ever since. I’m not quite sure why this song appeals to me so much, but right now I feel like I’m kind of ‘in the war of my life, at the door of my life.’
I’m about to graduate this year, so in a little less then a year I’ll be done with school. For the ones who don’t know, I’m currently in my 4th year of my education to become an Audio Visual Specialist. Like I said, I’m about to graduate and let me tell you, it scares the hell out of me. Honestly, the period of time that comes after graduating looks like a big, black hole to me. On the other hand, it’s also something I’m looking forward to, but only when I have a plan. So, currently I’m desperately trying to get ‘my plan’ together. I’ve got a few options in mind that I’d like to get out in the open. Feel free to give advice or tell me I’m stupid. Both are fine with me.
- Buy a second handed campervan and rebuild the whole thing. Create a house on wheels and live a self-sufficient life on the open road. Travel, create, share, going back to the base.
- Get a work&holiday visum for Australia and be gone for a year. All alone, really jumping into the deep, unknown… all by myself.
- Try to get a scholarship and study abroad. My preference goes out to America, I’d like to get a master in Scenario. Why study abroad? I guess because I feel like that when I’m studying abroad I get so much more than just another degree. I also get to meet new people, experience a new culture, a new language and in general… I get a new life.
As much as I want to run away from the whole situation, I am also ready to embrace it and I’m curious about where I’ll be going. Random fun fact: I’m not much of a selfie queen, to be honest, I never take selfies, but I find myself snapping pictures ‘selfies’ with pretty much everyone I know lately, because I feel like I need to make an album of ‘my last year,’ (of my current education!) Does anyone else feels me in this? I think it’s hilarious haha!
The other thing I’ve been questioning myself lately is: Why are we so afraid of love and being vulnerable? It’s something that keeps popping up in the back of my mind. When I was in Romania to help renovation the house for children without a home, and to shoot two documentaires, I learned that vulnerability is such an amazing thing when you have the right people around you. It’s scary but really worth the try when it comes to bonding in a really close way. I’ve seen it with the children, the team, all around me. It also appealed to me that when people have less luxury they tend to get closer with each other. People are being seen more equivalent for some reason. I hope that makes sense… I just wanted to bring it up, think about it, love and vulnerability are actually really interesting things that make your life much deeper.
I guess that in the end everything will come around full circle and I’ll find my peace, wherever it may be. For now, I’ve got my graduation on my mind and loads of other projects. I’m going to end this personal blogpost with another part of the lyrics from ‘War Of My Life.’ It’s hopefully something that gives you power as well. Thanks for taking the time to read my words, be kind to one another and I’ll speak to you soon! Lot’s of love. Sofie.
P.S. Here’s the song. CLICK
“Come out angels
Come out ghosts
Come out darkness
Bring everyone you know.
I’m not running
And I’m not scared
I am waiting and well prepared.”